Why we hate and how it only affects us negatively

img_9658One thing that most of us would not like to admit is that most people are hateful. It’s the truth. As much as I would love to deny that but it’s the truth. Hate surrounds us everywhere we go. Gossiping, shaming, judging, giving and getting dirty looks… and the list goes on! But why do we hate? We often try to lie to and convince ourselves that it’s all because someone else is awful (which is sometimes true, but still, why do we bother ourselves with them?) and has done too many things that are unforgivable and so we begin to talk trash about them and sometimes even try to hurt them. But beyond all the excuses, why we hate really only comes from within.

Number 1. If someone hurt you or your loved ones. In this case, when some feel rejected, betrayed, hurt, powerless, etc. they turn to hate so they can feel superior again. They transform all their hurt emotions into anger and hate towards the ones who hurt them because it is said that when someone feels weak, anger makes them feel powerful.

Number 2. You see a reflection of all the unwanted parts of you in another person. This may ignite hate towards someone who has done nothing wrong but sometimes when someone sees parts of themselves that they hate and try to neglect in someone else, they start hating on the other person as if to defend themselves, it’s sort of like when you hate on the person who reflects the things you hate about yourself you try to get rid of your self-hate through convincing yourself that the they’re terrible but you are not.

Number 3. Fear of diversity. From such a young age we were taught what we should and should not be, thus as we try to live up to the roles that have been assigned to us without our consent and because we absolutely hate it, when we see someone who isn’t doing their “role” and is diverse and unique, we hate on them because, unlike us, they aren’t trapped in what their society tells them they should be.

Number 4. Society made it a competition. We were raised to think that instead of lifting each other up we should only focus on ourselves and how we will beat our “rivals” no one taught us that we should encourage one another, everything we do, since we were little kids, turned into a competition. And these competitions are ones that required us to take our rivals down in order to win. Because we’re only in it to win it, right?

Number 5. You can’t find self love. If you can’t love yourself, the person who has been with you through it all.. was born, raised and will die with you… how can you love someone else? In some cases, it’s the opposite, you love someone too much till it turns into an obsession and you give them the love you took from yourself. (And I honestly don’t believe that this is true love because love isn’t meant to drain you and this doesBut in the first case, if you can’t love yourself you can’t help but hate others, trust me I’ve been there. It’s not that you see a reflection of yourself in others (like point 2) but it’s rather that you can’t accept and love them for who they are because you can’t accept and love yourself for who you are.

And now that you know some of the most common reasons of hating on others, I’m going to tell you how it affects you negatively.

If you’re a hater, if you’re judgmental, if you always criticize people, if you trash talk, etc. You’re always going to walk around with a heavy feeling on your chest. You’re probably always going to be paranoid that others are judging you, criticizing you, trash talking abut you, etc. And by time you might even start hating yourself more and more, you’re going to criticize everything you do and you’re going to feel like people own you and you have to live up to their expectations so they don’t judge or hurt you.

Everyone’s always talking about how ‘haters gonna hate’ but no one seems to mind that this is a serious issue that we need to work and raise awareness on. I always notice how the villains and the “bad guys” in movies are not given the chance to tell their side of the story and it’s just sad because mostly they have been hurt and people just chose to abandon them and label them as the bad guys when in reality they themselves are fighting a battle.

Personally, I think that if someone feels whole and complete, if you truly love yourself and who you are, you won’t feel the need to hate on others.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way promoting hate or saying that it is okay to be hateful. All I’m trying to do is raise awareness on why we hate so we can eventually accept that, let it go, and start spreading love instead. After all, the first step of trying to change what you’re in is accepting it and acknowledging it.



  1. It’s great you’ve shared this. I completely agree, if all we’re going to do is go round and name call then the hate isn’t going to go away xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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