I imagine to escape

Imagination is my escape. When things get too tough or when I’m too tired to live in reality, I imagine. It’s my only comfort. It’s stupid but it’s the only thing that makes me feel somewhat close to what I felt before.. even if it’s only for a few minutes. I should probably stop doing it but I can’t. It’s addictive. I catch myself subconsciously smiling when I do it.. or on the verge of tears but it doesn’t matter because in my head, in my world, everything will be alright and you’re there. And I am getting better at accepting the truth but sometimes it’s too much and I just have to run away to a place that only exists in my head. Because it makes me feel like who I was when everything was going great. I want to stay soft. I want to stay vulnerable. I don’t want to harden. When I carry myself into this other world of my making I use it to rest my soul, because everyday is a fight and I’m not planning to give up. Soon enough I won’t need to escape. Until then, let me tell you about how I try to hold on to you through my other world, and how I try to hold on to who I was when you were by my side. I’m slowly losing myself and I need to hold to who I truly am and who I want to be. I imagine your smile and voice. And it warms my heart. I’m healing. I’m grateful. I’m trying to let go of this chapter so I can move on to the next one.. but looking back on it hurts so I write my own scenes in my head and live in them for comfort every once in a while. But it’s only an escape. A world in which I rest in between my battles and soon enough I won’t need it. I’m growing.

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