Self love and emptiness

How can I love myself

When all I feel is emptiness

You tell me I cannot give what I do not have

And that I cannot love someone else before I love myself

But what if I don’t have any love to give to myself

How do you ask that I fall in love with who I am

When who I am is drowning in nothingness

I used to have so much love within me

So much that could’ve lit up an entire city

Despite the fact that I sometimes gave it to people who misused it and abused it

I still had an ocean of emotions

But the water has dried

And the winter came crashing on the gardens of my heart

No more crying because I feel too much

Now it’s crying because I feel too little

Ungrateful I may seem

“Nothing ever works for me”

I try to attract the light

But it never feels right

I’m told this is all in my head

I’m told I can change it

And I’ll believe that

I’ll believe whatever gives me hope in being full again

Because now I’m cold in ways I never thought were possible

Jealousy will be the death of me

Uncertain of what others think of me

Found no love inside me

So I tried to find it in the world around me

I write it away

But then I call a name

Hoping for an answer I know will never come

I did not put my heart in a cage and lock it away

It escaped the pain

And left me feeling nothing again.

I wrote this poem when I was feeling really bad and hopeless (it wasn’t that long ago tbh) but thankfully things got better. Wasn’t sure I wanted to share it but maybe it will help someone out there soooo here it is! 🙂 Things get better trust me. ❤️


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