I remember it clearly
Although I don’t want to
I’ve never felt so confused and hurt,
I’ve never felt such darkness,
Within me and around me.
It felt like I was being sucked into a world of pain
I remember tossing and turning in bed,
Crying and praying for the pain to end
I remember calling your name so many times,
It rolled off my tongue so easily and yet so painfully.
I wished you were with me
For I knew you were the only one who could’ve comforted me
I prayed for a miracle to save me
I prayed that it was all but a nightmare
I begged god for your return
I remember searching for my phone
When I thought I couldn’t do it anymore.
“How will I cope when this is only the first night of a war I was never ready to fight?”
I asked myself
I repeatedly called your name
Hoping for you to come and never leave again
I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through,
You not being there like you used to.
And now I’m standing on the edge
Wrapping ropes around myself,
trying my hardest not to fall
For it’s a long way down and I just came up
If I jump and I’m not caught
My pieces, that are yet to be brought back together, could be destroyed
I’m not ready for the risk
And yet something pulls me in
Am I healing or am I breaking
Should I run away or open up
Is this a lesson or blessing?
Can I read through the pages
And take a quick look to see what the next chapter holds for me?
Is this the same experience repeating itself to test me?
The voice inside is contradicting itself.
-Opening up again, to be or not to be